Why You Feel Lonely Even When You’re Not Alone — And What Helps

Life Hack Series.

Feeling lonely even when you’re not alone is confusing, because nothing looks wrong on the outside.

Loneliness usually isn’t about the absence of people. It’s about the absence of engagement—with yourself, your attention, and what quietly brings you alive.

So let’s talk today about the quiet skill of living with yourself.

Many people feel lonely and isolated – not only when they are living alone, but even while living with others. And yet, this phase of life can be unexpectedly rich. Not because circumstances change, but because perspective does.

I’ve often wondered why living alone feels boring to some people. Over time, I realised it’s not boredom—it’s unfamiliarity. The art of being with yourself is something most of us were never taught.

I noticed this clearly during the lockdown, when friends would often say, “I’m so bored. What should I do?”

The question itself was interesting.

For me, this period brought back something simple. I started rewatching Friends. Every episode still made me laugh at the same moments, remember the same jokes, enjoy the same pauses. You know the story. You know what’s coming. And yet, the build-up still works.

Many people say they find it difficult to laugh alone. But when you think about it—why should laughter need an audience? If something feels funny, laughter is a natural response. It doesn’t require permission.

When that small internal rule loosens—when and how you’re allowed to laugh—something else loosens with it. Life begins to feel lighter, moment by moment. And suddenly, this isn’t about Friends anymore.

Still feeling isolated?
Okay. Let’s go a little further

At one point, I wanted to learn astrology but felt stuck. So instead of studying seriously, I began watching astrology-related videos for about an hour each day. I wasn’t learning in a structured way. I wasn’t taking notes. I was simply immersing myself.

Something interesting happened. Even when it felt like random information, my mind was absorbing it. Over time, without forcing it, there would be days when I naturally sat down to write, practice, and understand more deeply. The effort came on its own.

This kind of learning isn’t about discipline. It’s about staying gently connected to what interests you. Eventually, procrastination gives up—not because you fought it, but because curiosity stayed present.

And again, this isn’t about astrology.

I’m not asking you to watch Friends or pick up the same interests as mine. I’m suggesting something simpler:
find one thing that reliably makes you smile, and one topic you enjoy returning to—even casually.

That alone can change how solitude feels.

Earlier, I spoke about laughter and learning. Both work for a reason. Enjoyment isn’t random—it’s biological. When we engage with something we care about, our nervous system responds. Energy returns. Having fun is scientific, it is about increasing our dopamine levels.

Let’s now delve futher on increasing dopamine by being passionate and learning new things. Tricking our minds & learning to enjoy being alone.

Identify what you are passionate about.

Motivation often feels low when there’s no immediate reward. Instead of fighting that, it helps to start with what gives quick, honest satisfaction.

Cooking is a good example.

During the pandemic, ordering food wasn’t always possible. Ingredients were limited. Restaurants were out of reach. And yet, many people discovered something they hadn’t expected—cooking could be absorbing.

I’ve always believed no one is truly a bad cook. Either you follow a recipe carefully, or you cook intuitively. I have always believed that no one can be a bad cook. Either follow the recipe fully or use ingredients intuitively. When attention stays with the food instead of the phone, the result usually surprises you. Just need to know a few tips and tricks. First-timers just need to start with lesser quantities and not too much experimenting with the ingredients—speaking as someone who has eaten more than a few failed cakes 😒

Once the cooking is done, there’s another surprisingly satisfying activity.

Now time for what is essential…Cleaning

It sounds absurd, but try this: pick one small space—one shelf, one drawer—and clean it fully. The sense of completion does something quiet but noticeable to your mood.

The key is moderation. Effort should energise you, not exhaust you. Put on music. Start small. Let the task end before fatigue begins.

When cleaning becomes compulsory, it feels draining. When it’s occasional and contained, it restores order—externally and internally.

For now, that’s enough.

Enjoy noticing what gently pulls you back into yourself.

Don’t forget, loneliness isn’t always about being alone

I believe small shifts matter more than dramatic changes. Over time, I’ve seen how simple adjustments in attention can create real internal movement. I share these observations through writing and coaching, for anyone who finds them useful.